A Reflection on Parenting (and in Gratitude for My Father)

This week, my dad — who passed away in February — would have turned 89 years old. I miss him every day, but his birthday in particular prompted me to reflect on how grateful I am to have had him as a father.

My dad was many things to many people. To my sister and me, he was everything: playmate, role model, provider, best friend to our mom, grounded optimist, principled guide, trusted advisor. He was all of this for my mother, my sister, our partners, our children. He was some combination of this to many others throughout his life.

He was imperfect, but he showed up relentlessly in the small ways — quietly, unscripted, not always certain, but genuine and expansive. He was intentional about staying intimately connected.

This parenting business isn’t always easy, and I probably didn’t appreciate my dad’s wisdom in some of the growing up moments I most should have, but I hope to show up in the same ways for my children. When I think about what best reflects the values my dad embraced, it feels clear and uncomplicated:

• Prioritize relationships above all else. Make time for the people you love. Listen. Be attentive, curious, and present. The depth and scope of your relationships are a reflection of who you are and the quality of your life. Make friends in abundance, be curious about people, practice kindness, and make others feel valued. Always make time to listen. Give people the most generous benefit of the doubt.

• Lean into gratitude. Notice things to appreciate — the grand things, as well as the small. Wonder, awe, and gratitude grow the more you attend to them. Gratitude fuels optimism and enthusiasm, strengthens our bonds with others, diminishes negative thoughts and feelings, and reinforces resilience.

• Cultivate playfulness. My dad sought out fun and funny. He pursued camaraderie and adventure. He loved the soundtrack of laughter, banter, and connection. Life has its many hard moments, and playfulness helps us reset and recover from those moments. Humor has a place in almost everything.

• Be accountable and expect accountability. My dad was also strict and had high expectations — which were clear and uncompromising. He was a high-accountability parent, not one to tolerate excuses or helplessness. There was no room for entitlement or rationalization. This accountability meant sitting with our mistakes, not being protected from them. It helped us trust that we could manage difficult things and know we were competent enough to recover.

These are simple things. Still, we often don’t get them right. We lose sight of what’s important or get thrown off by the demands of daily life. But these remain good guideposts for the parenting journey, however imperfectly we navigate it.

So, fellow parents, keep striving. And to those of you being parented, keep offering grace. Like you, we are a work in progress.