What Will Your Story Be in the New Year?

Q. What can I do about all the “what ifs” that run through my head? I worry about every potential thing that can go wrong when I anticipate change or face a new challenge. This cycle of anxiety and self-criticism is exhausting.

A.  As we prepare for new experiences, we start to tell ourselves stories about what we think is going to happen.  Sometimes these stories focus on positive potential, and other times they focus on failing and what could go wrong.  The stories we tell are very powerful because where we invest our energy is what we nourish.  When we are focused on potential problems, our fears are magnified and we are more risk averse.  When we are optimistic, we cultivate confidence and motivation. Becoming aware of the narratives we create helps shape our outcomes and influences how we navigate our lives.

• Be attentive to your stories and self-talk. Many anticipatory stories are so automatic, we don’t even notice them, we just feel the weight of them.  We are all imperfect narrators, but curiosity about our internal stories allows us to develop intention and shift our focus.   We can consider questions that disrupt negative spirals, challenges self-criticism, or change our perspective from what might go wrong to what might go right. 

Such questions may include: How might this go well?  What strengths and competencies am I overlooking?  Is this story incomplete? What evidence is it based on?  Does this story acknowledge my resilience or opportunity for growth?  Could I handle my worst-case scenario?

• Develop a growth mindset.  Focusing on the positive potential rather than the catastrophic “what ifs” counters the negativity bias we are vulnerable to when we anticipate the risks of doing something difficult.  Trying to pre-empt everything that could go wrong doesn’t better prepare us for challenges or protect us from disappointment.  A growth mindset honors what could be accomplished with intent, recognizes the value of effort, risk and persistence regardless of outcome, and views mistakes as a chance to learn or expand a skill. Difficulties are ultimately an opportunity for meaningful growth and developing resilience.

• Resist perfectionism.  Anxiety goes hand-in-hand with perfectionism and comes with a high cost.  Perfectionism fuels unrealistic performance expectations, a low tolerance for disappointment, and an unrealistically critical self-assessment that leaves no margin for error.  It fuels all or nothing thinking, inhibits positive self-regard, undermines narratives that imagine a successful outcome, and discourages risk taking that supports growth.

• Control what you can. We rarely have control over outcomes, but we do have control over how we talk to ourselves about a particular challenge.  We can choose the attitude and optimism we bring to a difficulty and how we define success. People who have the belief that they have some control over future outcomes tend to be more empowered, motivated, persistent, creative and resilient. Countering negative storylines and considering optimistic alternatives is a strength we can continue to cultivate with practice and intent. 

As we enter 2026, the “what ifs” will persist, as they always do.  The stories we tell ourselves about how we will respond to new challenges remain ours to create.